i’m glad i have somewhere i can spill my bad brain to but like damn it’s just flooding now

i do not deserve any of the friendships or relationships ive managed to scrape by with

i dont deserve any of the kind people in my life i am so fucking terrible

god i’m just a fucking terrible shitty person who fucks up every relationship cool!!!!!!!

i used to have a group of people id hang out with when i came to eastern

now ive either pushed them all away or stopped hanging w them bcus i’m so much more anxious and people are time consuming and theyre also shitty

but like

i’m so lonely

i have no friends nearby besides drew and ricci but like. roommate and significant other.

i dont have people to go out with and i dont even have the energy to go out anymore

my free time is spent going to the mall by myself!!!!!! my free time is running errands and playing with my cat and sleeping!!!!

its not like i hate everyone ive just like idk

i’ve literally forgotten how to make friends or tolerate people

ive stopped making exceptions for shitty behavior and simultaneously alienated myself

a girl sat by me today and said hi and i literally just stared at her

i’m terrible and i feel terrible and it feels like i have no friends and no one to turn to.

glares @ drews old friends who r still friends w his abuser

glares @ my friends who still have my ex added on fb

need a lady to come fuck me

死にたいよ。本当に死にたい。

(Source: oldnwild, via flavorcats)

I’m really fucking sad about not doing music as a career

i’m torturing myself with second hand embarassment of auditioning for that fucking band and coming out to them and all of them just staring at me like i was some sort of fucking alien

drew thought they were cool with the gender stuff but they werent. i felt it. i can tell. i can tell when i come out to someone and they have that look and feeling that theyre gonna pretend its cool and then talk shit about me later.